Advice Male Perspective

The Male Perspective: To Have Children or Not?

Perhaps one of the most important issues that each person faces is deciding on whether they want to become a parent.  It is an issue that tends to surface several times during each of our lives.  Typically the first thoughts of becoming a parent occur to us during our teenage years.  By our teens we have a fairly detailed understanding, at least on some levels, of what is involved with respect to sex and procreation; whether we have the emotional maturity at that age is open to debate.  The next periods where we consider having children are usually in our 20s and again in our 30s.  These are the two age groups where most people get married and start to think about having a family.  Whether someone chooses to become a parent is based on the consideration of several factors.

First off each person will typically ask themselves two basic questions about whether they can picture themselves as a parent and whether they believe they are ready.  The answer to both of these questions can shift over a person’s lifetime as they have new experiences and learn new things about themselves and the world around them.  There is no right time for everyone to become a parent; it is about when it is right for you; and that’s something that may only come to you in a moment of clarity.  One thing to keep in mind though is there is never any perfect time to have children.  There will always be something imperfect.  There will always be something you wish was more ideal before proceeding.  So really answering this question is very much an emotional and instinctual one.

The economic reality of your current life is usually a huge factor in deciding whether to have children.  If you’re struggling to pay your bills you will understandably be very reluctant about becoming a parent.  To make the situation more ideal you’ll need to sit down, go through the revenue you have coming in, and the bills you have to pay and figure out a way to curb your costs.  You should also do some future planning on the expenses you would incur if you did have children and try to come up with ways to pay for those costs.  Having a child is a very expensive proposition so you want to try and do as much as possible to determine how you’re going to support that child and give them a good future.

Often couples will have a child because they think it will help fix underlying problems in their relationship.  Regrettably this rarely works and instead adds new problems to an already troubled relationship.  Thus, it is recommended before embarking on trying to get pregnant that you and your partner seek out counselling to work through the issues in your relationship.  The stronger your relationship with your partner is the better you will be able to provide love and support to a child.

Health and age are often huge factors in deciding whether to have children.  If you’re thinking of trying to get pregnant it’s probably a good idea for you and your partner to consult with your doctor to make sure there are no potential issues and also to acquire tips and advice.  Your doctor will be able to tell you when during your menstruation cycle would be ideal to try and conceive.  Age can also be a related factor as you will want to make sure there are no potential health issues or risks that you or your partner could have prior to conceiving a child.  Many older couples are reluctant to have children after they consider that they may not be around to see their child graduate high school.  So it’s important to think things through before deciding to become a parent.

Your support network of family and friends are another factor that often goes into deciding whether to become a parent.  If most of your siblings and friends have recently become parents there is often a pressure felt that you and your partner should follow suit.  However, it’s important not to let that be the deciding factor because what is right for your siblings and friends may not be right for you and your partner.  Also, whether your support network will be able to help out with babysitting and other matters may help steer you in one direction or another when making this decision.  So sit down with your family and friends to see how they feel about the idea of you having children and whether they would be supportive of it.

Lastly, your career and how busy your life is at the moment will have a huge impact in deciding whether to become a parent.  Being a parent takes up an enormous amount of time and will require changes to the amount of your day you devote to other things.  There is often no quick and easy way to solve parenting related issues so make sure you’ve planned at how you’re going to use your time so that you can devote yourself to raising a child.

Becoming a parent can be the most rewarding experience of your life, but it is vital to think it through so you can make sure that you’re able to provide the best life possible for a child.


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