Advice

What To Do If Your Ex Won’t Leave You Alone

So your ex won’t leave you alone. He keeps calling, trying to talk, trying to act as if a break-up didn’t just happen. It starts to get serious and you don’t know what to do. It’s an uneasy thing to go through, but you don’t have to go through it alone, and you certainly don’t want to go through it unprepared:

Set the Record Straight

This is the first step because it is the immediate go-to step and is often what stops the pestering right there. You must tell him that you do not want to talk to him and that you need your space. If your ex has trouble letting people go in his life, keep that in mind. Definitely don’t encourage this troublesome trait with phrases like: “I’ll be there for you always”, “I’ll always like you”, or “We can still be friends”, especially if you would not want to keep contact. If the break-up just happened, let him know that you need time away from him. Perhaps you can be friends down the road. Be polite and definitely be firm, tell him not to contact you.

Confrontation is Key

Despite telling him to cut it out, he may still bother you. In this case, you must confront him. Tell it as it is, and let him know that what he is doing is stalking and you are not comfortable with it. You may be afraid to appear rude or paranoid, but remember that your ex is in the wrong. He is out of line and is being unfair with this pestering. You have your rights to feel safe and to defend that safety. Don’t forget to have a friend as witness to his badgering and your refusal to take part.

Sever the Ties

Meaning if you have him on Facebook, block him. If you follow him on Twitter or vice versa, put a stop to that, or any other form of social networking/ communication including Skype, MSN, E-mail, Google+, Instagram, any forums, chatrooms, texts, calls, carrier pigeons, smoke signals – everything.

Be Persistent

If you refuse to speak with him, always refuse to speak with him. Don’t even let him speak with you once or else you will give him false hope that the two of you could still be together. Even worse, it will encourage him to continue acting the way he is acting assuming that you will give in.

Ignore His Calls

Tell him you absolutely won’t talk to him. Not “can’t” – “won’t”. You “won’t” talk to him. Perhaps you will want caller ID to flesh out his calls. Even if he sets his number up as a private number to slip under your radar, you can block private numbers. To be even more simple, you can simply hang up upon hearing his voice and identifying that it is him.

Make Sure Others Know

If you haven’t already told friends and family, make sure they know what is going on. Make sure they know that you are being stalked by your ex-boyfriend and that you are fighting against it. This will surely send a serious message to your ex if he hasn’t accepted the other messages. It will also grant you support and help. Perhaps they can give further suggestions and protection against him. Above all, relatives can also contact police if you are in a position in which you cannot (though this is only in a worst case scenario, it most likely will not escalate to such a level). Don’t forget to tell your landlord (if you rent an apartment or other living space) and boss not to give out certain information, though also tell your boss that this will not affect your work.

Act Immediately

If the stalking becomes more serious, then you need to up your game and become even more serious. Change your locks and make sure there is no other key, and lock doors and windows at all times. Be certain of who it is you are letting into your house and do the same when you are driving, don’t go out at night or to an isolated place without good company.

Be Prepared for Emergency

If his behaviour continues to get more serious, then you must be prepared. Make sure you have cash and a full tank of gas in your car. Keep a bag packed with a few days’ worth of clothes, toiletries, and medication in case you must get away suddenly.

Call the Police

This is the most serious step to take if matters worsen. I hope it doesn’t come to this for you or for anyone else. Your safety is your biggest concern – never forget that. If you or your loved ones are threatened, don’t hesitate to call 911. Don’t be embarrassed by any of it or feel that you are bothering the cops-it is their job and your safety is their priority. Do not underplay the situation or withhold any fears that you have. With the law on your side and a case created and stored, you will have concrete evidence to fall back on. This can give a restraining order and will alert the authorities of what is going on. You will be safe.

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