“SHOULD YOU GET BACK WITH YOUR EX?”
It didn’t work the first time around and you’re contemplating getting back with your ex, so… what now? You know that things definitely can’t go back to the way they were before the break-up. After all, there was a reason the separation took place and we don’t need to let history repeat itself.
Now, you must allow yourself the time alone for recovery before you consider all else. This is important for coming to a decision that works for you. If the feeling to get back with him persists after this reflection, you must ask yourself why you think you are feeling this way. Your intentions must be well-meaning for both involved to create a stable relationship or else you will find yourself in the same situation as before – maybe even worse. There are various other reasons why you may want the two of you to get back together such as:
– Your ex has found someone new and you haven’t, thereby making you feel at a disadvantage.
– You feel as though you have failed in keeping the relationship going.
– You were the one who was dumped and your ego is bruised.
– You never felt that the break-up was a good idea.
– You have gotten over the issues that caused the break-up and would like to try again.
– You feel that he is the only one that will make you happy.
– You want to reject them and make them feel the pain you are feeling.
These reasons are misguided and if any of these reasons fit yours, then I would urge you to reconsider. Life is about moving forward, even if that means moving through the pain. It’s all part of life. Now, this is not to say that it is a bad idea to get back with your ex, but the decision must be more considerate of your long-term emotions. There are a few questions you should ask yourself:
Is this person still available?
Not only is he single and without a significant other, but would he be ready to start dating again,as well? This is based on an emotional level, not just physical.
Would I like for my ex to be happy regardless of whether I’m with him?
The truth is, your ex has the capability of being quite happy in life without you. Don’t fret, you can be just as happy without him as well. Don’t hold that over your ex and don’t let him hold it over you as well. But know that you can be happy.
Did my ex want to make any changes necessary to maintain a stable relationship?
Ask yourself the same question. He is not the only one who has to make changes, especially if he feels that some of your faults have contributed to the break-up. Everyone has room for improvement and it must be a voluntary decision by both parties.
What have I learned through all this?
Life is about learning from your mistakes and in this situation, it’s essential that you learn something. Emotionally and intellectually, you must apply your reason to the situation.
Has the separation been long enough for me to reflect?
Reflecting upon yourself is very important. Through your reflection, you should know where you are now and where you want to be. This is essential in terms of a relationship.
Is my motive for revenge?
This is something you must be honest with yourself about. Many people look to put their ex through the same pain you have been put through. You must assess your emotions.
Am I wanted back with my ex?
Not only ask if you are wanted, but are you needed? If the answer is no, it’s certainly not the end of the world. There’s somebody for everybody. There will be someone you need and who needs you.
Have I truly accepted my ex?
If it is your intention to change this person, then perhaps getting back with your ex is a bad idea. It’s a cliché saying to love someone for who they are, but it speaks volumes. You would not want people to change you.
Have I let go of the past?
You can’t move forward with him if you haven’t forgiven him. The things he has done, were they really all that bad? If they were, then leave it at that and say it’s been a good run. However, if you find that you are able to forgive him what he’s done, then you are one step closer to being able to get along.
Have I gained accountability in my actions?
If you continue to blame your ex for your pain and refuse to take responsibility for your actions, then you are in great denial and must reconsider getting back with him. As much wrong as he had done, you are not perfect either. No one is expecting you to be. But we are in control of ourselves.
Can I take things slowly?
Neither of you can afford to be rushing anything. If you do, then you two may find yourselves worse off than before. Slow and steady is key and you two need to test the waters.