Advice Male Perspective

The Male Perspective: Sex at the Beginning of a Relationship

As much as we might all like to believe that the first time with a new romantic partner will be mind-blowing orgasmic, the reality is that it can take a while until each person is sexually satisfied.  This isn’t some fault in either person, but rather a case of it taking some time until you can properly read and understand what each of you like.  Men at times are not the best at reading subtle signals and during sex may not be picking up on what you’re trying to tell him.

So the first thing you need to do is to be a bit more vocal about what you like and what you don’t like. Help him by directing him to some of your favorite erotic zones that you want him to stimulate rather than expecting him to know them right off the bat because he may not. This can either be done by word of mouth or by noises.

The second recommendation is to vary the sexual positions.  A sexual position that may have been effective in causing an orgasm with a past boyfriend may not work with your current beau.  A central reason for this is the shape of the man’s penis.  Depending on its shape a sexual position that you’re not used to may be more effective at arousing your clitoris than one that you’re used to.  So don’t be afraid to experiment with the sexual positions you try.

A third thing to keep in mind is that since you’re both only getting to know each other, it is highly recommended that you use condoms, birth control pills, and other contraceptives at this early stage of your relationship.  Nobody wants a sexually transmitted infection as it can have a hugely negative impact on your life going forward.  You should also discuss in a general  sense how many partners each of you has had in the last year and if there is a concern go have medical tests done to ensure that everything is ok with each of you.  It’s not the most romantic thing, but if you each really have true feelings for the other it might be one of the most caring and responsible things you do during your relationship.

A fourth thing that you may have to deal with is if your beau is climaxing too early.  If this is happening his parts may be a bit sensitive and you may want to recommend he look into getting a specialty condom for longer lasting sex.  These sorts of condoms are effective at lessening his sensitivity and will help to reduce the early climaxes and lead to longer lasting sex. Missionary is one of the positions that won’t help him last longer, in fact, it does the opposite, so get creative!

A fifth thing to remember is that it does matter to most men that they help you to achieve an orgasm.  So try to help indicate to him what you need to achieve it at the beginning of your relationship.  Be verbal and direct him to what exactly you need him to do.  Once he’s succeeded in causing you to orgasm he’ll want to replicate his success.

A sixth thing that you should discuss is what each other’s past partners were like in a general sense.  Were they more reserved when it came to sex or more adventurous?  If they were more adventurous how much more so were they?  This is important to discuss beforehand because it’ll give you a better idea of where each other’s boundaries are.  This doesn’t have to be a lengthy and detailed discussion, but should simply give the other person an idea of what’s acceptable or not.  If you find that each of you are at opposite ends of the spectrum between reserved and adventurous you’ll find you eventually will reach a compromise somewhere in the middle, but it may take some time.  Be patient and understanding and eventually you’ll get there.

A seventh thing you will have to keep in mind is whether or not your beau is coming off a lengthy period of not having any sex at all.  Men are known for experiencing such periods during their lives and if this is the case it may take a bit of time for him to get back in the swing of things when it comes to sex.  Also, if it has been a really long time since he’s had sex he could experience some of the muscles just above his groin area straining in a painful way.  Those muscles could be out of shape if he’s gone a long while without sex so the first couple times you’re together that may be why it’s not as vigorous as it could be.  Typically men are reluctant to talk about this, but it’s something to keep in mind as you may be hurting him without even realizing it.  If he does experience this sort of muscle strain it’s most likely to occur while you’re on top facing him and pulled in really close to his body during intercourse.  So keep an eye out for this during your first couple times.

Finally be patient.  As you get to know each other more and more the sex will improve and soon you’ll find you’re able to satisfy the other in a full and complete way.

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