Let’s be honest. We’ve all been here at one point or another and sometimes, we just don’t know how to go about it. Conflict can be a mutual argument that hasn’t been resolved yet or a grudge you’re holding in that your friend is unaware of. It can be even harder to make amends after a fight with a close friend rather than one with your boyfriend, sibling or parents – after all, your friend is the one supposed to be there for you during these times! It’s okay to get angry but don’t let anger get the best of you and don’t pretend like the problem doesn’t exist. Here are some tips on the proper way to go about resolving a conflict.
If you’re not the confrontational type, you’re probably not comfortable with the idea of telling your friend exactly how you’re feeling about them. Your friend might have hurt your feelings or done you wrong without even being aware of it. Though it may be scary, now is the time to confront the person – don’t hesitate any longer. Holding a grudge won’t solve the problem and your negative feelings will eventually take a toll on your friendship.
First, you need to think about how you are going to confront the person in a calm and rational way. However, there is no need to over think the situation until you feel like your head is going to explode.
Second, tell the friend that you want to speak to them privately so that other people will not hear and meddle in and so your friend knows that you are serious.
Third, talk to the friend about the conflict you feel while being careful with your words but not downsizing the issue either. Your friend needs to know exactly how you feel.
Hopefully your friend will understand, apologize and you both can move on! Even if things don’t have the best results immediately, now you know that you did all you could.
Do: It’s a good idea to get advice from one or two friends you really trust before you confront that person.
Don’t: Don’t complain to a bunch of people you know about how you really feel about that person – that’s just gossiping.
If you’re the drama queen type, getting heated up in an argument may not be a rare occurrence. It’s completely natural for two people to disagree on a topic and so arguments can occur. For future reference, it’s great to voice your opinion but not so much that you take away the chance for the other person to get their own opinion in.
First, try to mentally prevent your emotional thought from overpowering your rational thought. Raising your voice at the other person or resulting into a catfight is not the answer and it won’t help the other person listen to you any more than if you didn’t.
Second, try to understand where the other person is coming from, like why they might be thinking differently. For example, you could start your sentence with “I understand why you might say that, but I think that…” By trying to understand the other person, maybe he/she will try to understand your opinion as well.
Third, if the two of you are really unable to make a conclusion you both agree on, end the argument anyway. There’s no way everyone will agree on everything in the world. Ask yourself if this topic is really that important enough to continue.
Do: State how you feel and your opinions. It’s healthy to voice yourself rather than keeping your thoughts and feelings bottled in all the time.
Don’t: Try not to end up attacking the person on traits that have nothing to do with the argument. No matter how tempting it might be.
Hopefully these tips will help you with your future (or current) conflicts!