Advice Male Perspective

The Male Perspective: How To Get a Guy To Approach You

Over the years I’ve talked to many of my female friends who have told me about how they  act when out at a club, bar, or restaurant. They say they would make eye contact with a guy they were attracted to, and whom they thought was interested in them, but who wouldn’t approach them. They would then ask me the inevitable question as to why the guy didn’t approach them. The honest answer is that there may be a couple of reasons and some of them may not be obvious.

One of the most intimidating things for a guy when they see a girl they are attracted to is approaching her when she’s surrounded by a couple of her girlfriends. From the guy’s point of view, it’s one thing to approach a girl and get shot down when she’s alone, and it’s quite another to have it happen in front of an audience. So if you spot a guy making eye contact with you and smiling, and you want him to approach you, separate yourself briefly from your girlfriends if you want him to approach you. Otherwise the guy may never come near you.

If that doesn’t work, but the guy is still looking over and seems a bit shy, you may be faced with the situation wherein the guy is attracted to you, but figures you would never be interested in him because he feels you’re out of his league. Talk to your male friends and they’ll be able to relate to you a story about how they spotted this girl they were attracted to, but didn’t approach her because they figured there was absolutely no chance that the girl would be interested in them. In this case, there are a couple of ways to handle this if you’re genuinely interested in him; you can go over and talk to him yourself, you can send over a friend to act as an intermediary, or you can send him over a drink. Any of these approaches can work in this scenario.

Another case may be the distracted guy, who has noticed you and is interested, but is there with a couple of buddies who are diverting his attention. In this case, if you approach him alone, his buddies will likely get in the way, so you first need to find a way to detach him from them. If you’re there with your girlfriends you can ask them to help you in this endeavour by occupying the guy’s friends while you get to know him. However, if you’re there alone you may have to wait until the guy’s buddies meander off or round-up some of the other women where you’re at who may be interested in the guy’s friends and able to help you out. This is always a tricky one to deal with and in some cases you might be better off moving on to someone else.

The last example is where you spot a guy you’re attracted to, but who seems a bit withdrawn despite the fact he did make eye contact with you. This is the guy who may have been through a couple bad dating experiences in the recent past and while attracted to you, fears you’re just going to turn out to be like those past dates. When approaching someone like this (or if he approaches you) one of the most important things is to keep the mood upbeat, fun and try your best to connect with him as a person. All too often, a guy who is at this point of his dating life wants to feel positive about the world again, but fears that the only way someone may surprise him is in a negative fashion.

Finally, keep in mind the more you smile at the guy and perhaps even wave at him to indicate that ‘yes’ it’s him you’re smiling at, the more likely it is that he’ll bolster up his courage to come over and talk with you. He just needs to know that you’re willing to give him a chance and if you give him that chance you might end up starting something pretty special.

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