10:00 pm: Well that’s it everyone! We made it the whole 3 hours, well done to you all.
9:57 pm: HEEEYYY Julia Roberts, presenting Best Motion Picture-Drama: Argo wins it! Someone just let out a blood curdling scream. Terrifying. Sorry wait who is this guy, did he write it?
9:50 pm: George again to award Best Actor in a Motion Picture-Drama: Daniel Day-Lewis wins for Lincoln. Not at all shocking. Let’s all nod along politely while we try to understand his speech. Like we get it Daniel, you’re smart.
9:47 pm: George Clooney is here to finally class up this joint. Best Actress in a Motion Picture-Drama: Jessica Chastain wins it for Zero Dark Thirty. Seriously go see it, you will not regret it. Jessica and Kathryn doing it for the ladies. Great speech, this is how it’s done. Anne, listen up.
9:41 pm: Dustin Hoffman to present Best Comedy or Musical Motion Picture: Les Miserables wins over Silver Linings Playbook, and this is why musicals just shouldn’t get awards. Just kidding, I’m sure it’s well deserved, blah blah blah. SHUT UP ANNE HATHAWAY YOU ALREADY GOT TO TALK.
9:39 pm: Just real quick, everyone should go see Zero Dark Thirty.
9:31 pm: Jennifer Garner there you are! She just totally broke the rules there, but who cares you gotta thank George Clooney. Best Actor in a Motion Picture-Comedy or Musical: Hugh Jackman for Les Miserables takes it home! I think it’s unfair that comedy and musical go in the same category, it’s pretty rude.
9:30 pm: Christian Bale (WHAT UP). I’m still not going to talk about the packages.
9:22 pm: Jay Leno and Jimmy Fallon presenting Best TV Series-Comedy: GIRLS WINS GIRLS WINS GIRLS WINS. I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS. THIS SONG. OH MY GOD. By the way Season 2 premiered tonight, so check it out on HBO.
9:21 pm: BILL MURRAY
9:18 pm: Halle Berry presenting Best Director as quick as she can because Jodie Foster cannot be tamed. The winner is Ben Affleck for Argo. Bet the Acadamy is feeling pretty pretty stupid right now.
9:12: EVERYONE IS CRYING. EVERYONE LOVES JODI! But jeez louise was that long.
9:05 pm: To clarify Jodie is being awarded the Cecil B. Demille Award. If you were wondering Jodie Foster is “50!!” Jodie Foster joking about coming out was great! Don’t know why they bleeped out a bunch of stuff, probably because Mel Gibson said something weird. Do you guys think Jodie’s drunk?
9:01 pm: Robert Downey Jr. is here everyone! and he’s presenting the Lifetime Achievement Award to Jodie Foster. Can we get RDJ to present an award show sometime soon? Would he do it? I bet he would. Wait what’s happening, why is Mel Gibson allowed to be in public? Jodie Foster hates normal. I feel wrong inside that I’ve never seen any of these movies.
8:59 pm: Amy and Tina are back and now with drinks. THIS IS WHAT WE ALL WANTED. Technically you’re both losers, but you’re winners in my heart.
8:52 pm: Jason Bateman carrying out Aziz Ansari? Greatest thing to ever happen. EVER. Best Actress in a TV Comedy goes to (I don’t care I love them all) (AMY AND GEORGE AMAZING) OMG LENA DUNHAM OMG OMG OMG. Sorry I’m just very emotional! Oh yeah, that’s for GIRLS. Lena it’s okay, I’m shaking too.
8:45 pm: Sacha Baron Cohen brings out his drink to the stage and is shouting at us. Is he really British, is this a stupid question? Somehow that was related to Best Animated Feature Film: The winner is Brave, hey I saw that movie!
8:40 pm: We do not want to see the members of the HFPA, it’s too painful.
8:37 pm: Nathan Fillion and Lea Michele to present Best Actress in a TV Series Drama: Golden Globe goes to Claire Danes for Homeland. Homeland is killing it at the Globes this year.
8:33 pm: It’s AHHNOLD and Sylvester Stalone, what’s up guys? Best Foreign Film goes to Amour from Austria. I should really start watching more foreign films, this one seems pretty cool. Yo dude they’re the Hollwood Foreign Press, not Foreign Language Press. You win some, you lose some.
8:29 pm: BRING BACK AMY AND TINA!
8:28 pm: Lucy Liu and Debra Messing present Best Actor in a Comedy or Musical: Don Cheadle wins for House of Lies. This is unexpected, seeing as nobody watches his show.
8:26 pm: I’m not going to talk about the Best Picture packages anymore, they’re pointless. WHO CARES?
8:22 pm: Amanda Seyfried and Robert Pattinson are together to present Best Screenplay-Motion Picture. Have they ever acted together? They should, they look nice up there. The winner is: Quentin Tarantino for Django Unchained. This speech should be gooood. He’s so manic and scary, but somehow still a genius.
8:15 pm: Jonah Hill and Megan Fox to present Best Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture: Anne Hathaway wins again for Les Miserables. bleh.
8:13 pm: A very pregnant Kristen Bell and John Krazinski presenting Best Supporting Actor in a TV Series: Ed Harris in Game Change won, he’s not here, again so boring!! Should have just given it to Max Greenfield.
8: 03 pm: Kristin Wigg and Will Ferrell come out shocked and awed to be at the Golden Globes. Kristin and Will are killing it. Presenting Best Actress in Motion Picture Comedy or Musical: The winner is Jennifer Lawrence for Silver Linings Playbook!!!!!!!!
8:02 pm: Tina and Amy are making this night all about the ladies I love them so so much.
7:59 pm: President Bill Clinton is here for some reason. Standing ovation from the crowd, is he an actor now? He’s apparently presenting Lincoln.
7:55 pm: Kiefer Sutherland and Jessica Alba (hey what’s she been up to lately, oh yeah nothing) presenting Best Actor in a Mini-Series or TV Movie: Kevin Costner for Hatfields & McCoys takes the award. Has anyone seen this? Was it any good? Costner’s speech is really weird, wrap it up, thank your family and move on.
7:45 pm: I’m gonna skip the boring ones, cause who cares about the music amiright? JUST KIDDING ADELE WON BEST ORIGINAL SONG SHE IS PERFECT! Adele is ALL of us, she really is, she’s just so excited to be here! Taylor Swift looks like she wants to kill her though.
7:42 pm: John Goodman and Tony Mendez, CIA agent, to present Argo. Tony Mendez is the real life human being the film is based on.
7:32 pm: Salma Hayak and Paul Rudd to present Best Actor TV Series Drama: Damien Lewis for Homeland takes the award. I really need to start watching this show. Paul and Salma return with a super awkward pause and really no pay off, Best TV Series Drama: Homeland.
7:30 pm: Rosario Dawson presents The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel. To explain all of the Best Picture nominees will get one of these packages.
7:28 pm: Amy and Tina are back! I just want the whole show to be them talking about the other celebrities. Someone from the HFPA just walked on stage, she’s a scary little old lady with red hair. I love her. She just called out Bradley Cooper, this lady is a hit!
7:25 pm: Catherine Zeta Jones just broke out into song for some reason incomprehensible to anyone, oh wait she’s presenting the clips of Les Miserables.
7:21 pm: Also presented by Eva and Don, Best Actress in a Mini-Series or TV Movie: Julianne Moore for Game Change.
7:19 pm: Eva Longoria and Don Cheadle welcome the Ms. and Mr. Golden Globe, Michael J. Fox’s kid and Clint Eastwood’s kid. Best Mini-Series or TV Movie Winner: Game Change, in case you’re wondering it’s that movie where another actress does a dead on Sarah Palin impersonation.
7:15 pm: Dennis Quaid and Kerry Washington present Best Supporting Actress in a Television Series: Maggie Smith wins for Downton Abbey, she’s not in attendance. So boring. Could that have gone any quicker, they do have three hours to get through all this ya know?
7:08 pm: Kate Hudson and Bradley Cooper present Best Supporting Actor in a Motion Picture: Christoph Waltz is the winner for Django Unchained!! Sorry Leo, you never had a chance!
7:05 pm: Perfect joke about Kathryn Bigelow and James Cameron! Jessica Chastain could barely take it all in.
7:01 pm: First outfit change for Amy and Tina, still looking great!!
7:00 pm: IT’S STARTING EVERYONE IT’S SO EXCITING!!
6:55 pm: 5 more minutes till showtime!! Get pumped!
6:47 pm: Leo DiCaprio has just appeared. He looks horribly uncomfortable, kind of like a lost puppy.
6:45 pm: Ben Affleck‘s going solo again tonight. Why is Jennifer Garner never at these award shows, if Ben wins again tonight I would guess she’d be disappointed to miss it! Oh wait he just mentioned that she is here, maybe just not doing the interviews??
6:35 pm: ER REUNION!! George Clooney and Julianna Margulies just hugged before his interview. Looks like George is still with Stacy Keibler, too bad.
6:32 pm: Apparently Sienna Miller and Diddy are old friends? He just Kanye’d her interview with Giuliana, allowing for the most uncomfortable thing Giuliana has ever done.
6:30 pm: ADELE!!!! She looks so beautiful, ugh she’s so wonderful! Nominated for Best Song for Skyfall, I’ll admit I hope she wins! She just had a baby right?
6:28 pm: Nicole Kidman cannot find a man taller than her. Keith Urban is obviously a step up from Tom Cruise, but for real are there no tall men left in the world?
6:20 pm: Jon Hamm and his longtime lady love talking with Ryan now, Jon is so charming it’s hard to distinguish him from Don Draper. His girlfriend however is a bigtime complainer about the cold. Suck it up lady, 50 degrees is nothing!
6:17 pm: For some reason Taylor Swift is here. I guess she’s nominated for something. Her dress is dark purple, with matching earrings. She looks very mature and beautiful. A lot of ass-kissing with Ryan tonight, I’m confused does he run the entire business or something?
6:15 pm: Amanda Seyfried just mentioned a threesome as Hugh Jackman and his wife joined her in her interview with Ryan.
6:08 pm: Jennifer Lawrence is dressed in orange? red? I don’t know but she looks amazing as usual.
6:03 pm: Michael J. Fox‘s son is MR. Golden Globe tonight, and is this the first time a male celebrity child has been given the job? Son Sam looks just like his dad!
6:00 pm: Aziz Ansari refuses to take part in the mani-cam and he remains my most favorite person alive. Somebody nominate Aziz for a Golden Globe!!
5:58 pm: Everyone keeps commenting on how cold it is, yet no one is wearing a jacket. Olivia Munn says she has goosebumps, but they aren’t visible to us! She looks beautiful!!
5:56 pm: Apparently Jodi Foster is being honored with the Lifetime Achievement Award tonight. Ryan says she’s been in close to 50 films, her proudest film was the first she directed: Little Man Tate.
5:48 pm: JENNIFER LAWRENCE JUST ARRIVED. And now Bradley Cooper is speaking with Ryan. Bradley looking sharp in a suit, just like every other man in attendance.
5:46 pm: Giuliana just made Julia Louis Dreyfus use something called a mani cam and these are the people who get paid the big bucks!!
5:41 pm: Tina and Amy speaking with Ryan on the red carpet. Amy looks pretty smart in her pant suit, and Tina looks like old Holllywood glamour. You can see a bit of Amy’s side boob so that’s something. They’re talking about the infamous photobomb from last year’s ceremony. Don’t you just love them?
5:38 pm: I’m watching the red carpet from E! because Ryan is exponentially more entertaining than anyone on NBC, and I can yell at the screen every time Giuliana speaks which is nice (and yes I just looked up how to spell her name).
5:35 pm: OH MAN YOU GUYS IT’S THE GOLDEN GLOBES!! This year is going to be pretty great, hosted by Amy Poehler and Tina Fey we can expect a fairly entertaining night. I’ll be here all night commenting on everything that’s going on. Watch along with me and use the comment section to join in the conversation!!