Advice Male Perspective

The Male Perspective: The Wrong Way to Break Up

Breaking up with a romantic partner can be a very difficult thing to do, sometimes there is a tendency to not handle it as well as we would like. However, when breaking up with a guy here are some things that are important to consider, particularly if you want to be on decent terms with him afterwards.

First is the method of the break up. Breaking up with someone by email, letter or text message is not a good method because it shows a lack of caring for the other person and a degree of callousness. It is one thing if you fear for your safety and worry about putting yourself in a dangerous situation; however, if that’s not a factor then at the very least you should give the person a phone call or meet them face-to-face in a public place. Anything else and you can expect your ex to be pretty dismissive should you ever run into him again.

Second is the timing of when you break up with someone. If you choose a moment when the person is vulnerable, such as when they’ve lost their job or house or had someone they love pass away, it will make it unlikely they’ll ever want anything to do with you again. In life everybody goes through their ups and downs, but if you really care about them you should at least give them an opportunity to get back on their feet before you break it off romantically with them.

Third is if the reason for the break up is because you feel can find someone better. Very often this leads to a decision that will be regretted later on. This one is very dangerous because if the guy finds out that’s the reason, and you decide it was the wrong decision, the guy may not be there anymore or want you back. Nobody likes to be thought of as somebody’s consolation prize.  This is not to advocate staying with somebody who isn’t right for you, but it might be a good idea to take a weekend trip somewhere on your own to clear your thoughts and really take a sober second look before you break it off with the guy. Sometimes there are decisions you make in life that you can’t take back.

Fourth is if the reason is the guy is not perfect. No one ever is, and everyone has flaws. The question becomes as to whether you can live with those flaws and accept him for who he is or not. This is the sort of scenario where you really need to take a step back and consider why you were interested in the guy in the first place. Does the guy still have all those qualities that first attracted you? Is the guy accepting of who you are? Does he make you happy? If the answer to these are ‘yes’ and you still choose to break up with him, then you may be throwing away somebody who might have been the love of your life. The guy may choose to still be friends afterwards, but he will likely shy away from getting involved romantically again.

Lastly, one of the worst things that can be done when breaking up with the guy is making it unnecessarily lengthy and not telling the guy the real reason for the break up.  This is a tricky balance, but a necessary one. It’s never a great idea to belabor something like a break up and draw it out, but at the same time the guy will want to know why you’re breaking up with them. The guy will want to know what the reason is so they don’t repeat it in the future; yet once this has been explained to him that should really be where the conversation begins to wind up. It’s important to be both tactful and truthful, but if done correctly in the long run it may lead to the two of you being friends in the future.

At the end of the day good reasons for breaking up with a guy are if they don’t make you happy, you don’t love them anymore, and you don’t enjoy doing the simple everyday things together. Those are all understandable reasons that any guy will accept. The key is to handle the break up with compassion, care, and respect. After all, breaking up is a painful enough experience and there is no reason to make it worse than is necessary.

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