Advice Male Perspective

The Male Perspective: That First Trip Together

During the early stages of a relationship there are many defining moments, but one that will help to determine whether you have a long-term future together is the first big trip you take together.  There are a couple of reasons for this but the central one is that it’s typically the first time the two of you have been alone together for a lengthy period of time.  It can be very romantic and bring you closer together as a couple but it can also have the opposite effect and damage your relationship, too.  It’s ultimately a coin toss type of situation.

Here are some things to consider and watch out for before taking a trip with a romantic partner:

1) You have to consider is if it’s too early for the two of you to go away on a trip together.  Every relationship is a little different in terms of when the right time is for such a trip.  Trust your instincts to see if you feel comfortable and safe going away with him at this point.  All too often couples take a trip together too early in their relationships before they’ve gotten to know each other well enough and developed an understanding for how to handle getting on each others nerves without it resulting in a fight.  If you feel that it’s too early to take a trip together and you want to get to know him, be upfront and tell him. However, no matter what you do, make sure to tell him that’s why you don’t want to go away on a trip together because being less than honest with how you’re feeling will damage the relationship.

2) Another key thing to consider is ensuring that where you’re going on a trip together isn’t somewhere you frequently went with your ex.  Your first trip together  should be to some place that just the two of you will share.  If you go somewhere you went with your ex inevitably memories and comparisons between your current partner and your past will happen and it’ll make for a very uncomfortable experience for the both of you.  No matter how much you try it’ll come out that you went on a trip to the same place with your ex and your current romantic partner will just feel he’s being used as a substitute.  It’s one thing to take a trip to somewhere you’ve been with your ex once you’ve taken a couple of trips together, but it’s quite another to do it at such an early stage of your relationship.

3) The next element to consider is the length of time for the trip.  For a first trip together you may want to limit it to only a couple of days away together.  After all you’re still at the stage where you’re just getting to know each other so by shortening the amount of time you’re away it’ll help reduce some of the tensions.

4) Another consideration is to never have the first trip away be the one where you meet their family.  A first trip away should be a romantic one that brings you closer together.  Meeting each others family is anything but stress free or romantic, so it should be left for a future trip.  Also, it’s not recommended the first trip not involve going away with family or friends as the whole point of it is for the two of you to be alone together.

5) The trip should also be somewhere that both of you want to go.  Try to pick a place where there are various things to go see or do or alternatively a place with an interest or hobby you have in common.  This will help alleviate some of the stress with figuring out what you’ll do on the trip and help give you an idea of the type of things you’ll be doing.

6) Also, if you haven’t been sexually intimate with each other yet, there may be an expectation that you will be at some point during your first trip together.  So if you’re nervous or apprehensive about that idea you need to think about why that is and discuss it with your partner before you go away on the trip.  This is not something that you want to first be discussing once you’re already on the trip because it’ll result in a lot of hurt feelings and likely push the two of you apart.  If you’re not ready to have sex with your partner, be upfront about how you feel prior to the trip.  Otherwise he’ll feel like you just used him or that you’re not truly interested in him romantically.

7) An additional thing is to ensure you turn off your telephone/blackberry/iPhone during the trip.  The trip is meant to be a get away from everyday life, but that’s effectively impossible if you’re checking your cell phone every five minutes.  Calling to let family or friends know that you arrived safely is one thing, but calling to check in on things at work or constantly answering calls you receive is not.  If you do your partner will start to wonder why you bothered going away on the trip at all and feel like they’re not a priority in your life.  This can very often be what ruins your trip together and your relationship may not survive long afterwards.

8) Finally, try to relax as much as possible and take things as they come.  Everyone always wants things to go perfectly on their first trip together, but it seldom works out that way.  So go in with an open mind and reasonable expectations.  Often it’s the misadventures you experience on a trip that are the ones you laugh about and remember fondly years later.

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1 Comment

  • Reply
    Rob
    November 2, 2013 at 9:28 am

    Interesting write-up and some good points. However after having dating in many different circumstances I have come up with the following evaluation program. If I have spent some time with someone and felt that they were a possibility for a long-term relationship or marriage, I would take them someplace unusual that they never been to overseas. We both would agree to the location but it would be one where they very often spoke a different language, had different customs different foods and many interesting sites. I have often looked like a “sugar daddy” and use this trip to evaluate if I was being played or not. When away from normal circumstances, in an unusual environment, it is much more difficult to “play a game” and you find out what the person is really like. I very carefully observed if the person with me was considerate and polite to everyone – even lower serving staff, interested in new places, customs, foods and ways of thinking. Or were they stuck in the past, having to stay and Western-style hotel and eat at Hard Rock Cafes. So that is another facet of your article.

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