Advice Male Perspective

The Male Perspective: Money and Commitment

Since the economic downturn hit in 2008 and we entered into this recessionary age, each individual in society has felt the backlash of it all.  Many lost their jobs in droves and the work they found afterwards was often at a lower pay and with even less job security than the ones they lost.  It has been a challenging time and has had an impact on how many men feel about committing to a long term relationship to the woman that is in their lives.

The impact of the age we’re living in cannot be understated.  Men are the minority in the population while woman are the majority.  Thus the economic and population factors are changing the traditional societal role of men being the primary financial earners.  As a result men are more, and more, desiring to find a true partnership with a woman in a way perhaps that they never have before.

The issue of men being the primary (or in some cases only) financial breadwinner is not something men have ever truly desired despite what it might say in many books that talk about how to get a man to commit.  In fact, for men being the primary earner has made it far more difficult for them to find a new job when they loose their old one.  When a man who is supporting their partner or their family looses their job, their first thought is how they let them down.  That is a heavy burden to carry and can create depression, anxiety and shame among men which can be crippling for them in their efforts to find a new job.  So men when faced with an impending job loss look to their partners to see if they are going to be supportive or if they are going to abandon them.  If the man sees that she’s being supportive of him until he can get himself back on his feet, if he hasn’t already, he will likely marry her in the near future.  For any woman who has wondered if the man they are with is testing them, this is that moment.

Another thing that men look towards in deciding whether they want to marry their partner is whether or not she’s helping to contribute financially to building their life together even if it’s only a small amount.  When the bill comes and he finds his girlfriend asking ‘would you like me to contribute something?’ what that says to the guy is that she doesn’t really want to help pay for the bill and is just asking to give the pretense of doing so.  If you truly want to help out simply pull some money out and put it on the table when the bill comes.  Typically a man will think twice about ever marrying the girl he’s with if he is always the one paying for all the bills and expenses.  With the question of how steady any job is nowadays he wants a partner who will help out so he can put some money aside to ensure there’s something to draw on should he lose his job.

An additional issue that men look at when deciding about committing to a woman is whether she defines love and affection based on how much money he spends on her.  If the woman he is with is constantly putting pressure on him to spend more money each subsequent birthday, anniversary, Valentine’s Day, or other special day, he is going to start to question as to whether she’s with him simply for what he can buy her.  Typically many men will not commit to a woman if they’re faced with this situation as they will have come to the firm belief that she will just abandon him should he lose his job.

Also, a man will also often look at a woman’s general philosophy about money to see if it’s in-line with his own.  If the man is a saver he’ll look to see if his partner believes in saving too.  Usually the best matches from a relationship point-of-view are ones where both people arrive at the middle point between being a saver and being a spender.  You’ll know if the guy you’re with is getting serious about committing long term to you if he sits down to discuss your philosophy about money. Likely the man you’re with is proceeding probably with more caution than they ever have before because they want to make sure they’ve found a partner who will work with them to build a life together and not someone who is just looking for a meal ticket.

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