Advice Male Perspective

The Male Perspective: How To Get Over Your Ex

It may sound cliché, but everyone has had an ex that has been very hard to get over.  It doesn’t seem to matter if you’re male or female, straight, gay or bisexual; everyone has a relationship that left them heartbroken once it was over and had enormous difficulty putting it in the past.  The simple reality is that it can take some considerable amount of time to get over your ex, especially if you were together for a lengthy period of time and planned on getting married.

Here is some advice that will help you to move forward and put your ex in the past:

A very common practice nowadays is for two ex-lovers to still be living together after they’ve already broken up.  Sometimes economic necessity requires this reality.  However, as long as you’re living with your ex, it will be virtually impossible for you to get over them because you have to see them on such a regular basis.  It doesn’t matter on how good of terms your breakup was, this is not a healthy situation that will help you to move on with your life.  So as soon as you can, move out because otherwise you will be simply prolonging the amount of time it will take you to get over your ex.

Similar to the aforementioned is where two ex-lovers are still working together after you’ve broken up.  In many ways this is even more difficult than if you were living together because this can put your job at risk and harm your career.  As soon as you can, you at the very least need to transfer to a different division away from where your ex works and if possible go find a job with another employer.  Under these stressful economic times it may be very difficult to do this, but for your mental and emotional well being it is a good idea.

If you have an understanding boss they may be able to help.  However, if your boss is your ex-lover, start looking for employment elsewhere immediately as the likelihood that your work life will be very awkward at best is very high.

Limiting your contact with your ex as much as possible is also highly recommended.  The more you talk to your ex, the harder it’ll be to move forward with your life.  To do this can sometimes take an incredible amount of discipline, so if you find it hard to do so ask a friend or a family member for some help, or seek out a psychologist, counselor, or psychiatrist for some ideas.  With time and perspective you’ll be able to handle contact with your ex but at this stage your focus has to be on you and getting over them.

If your relationship with your ex was mentally or physically abusive you may want to seek out counseling and support services within your community for victims of abuse.  Seeking out such services and availing yourself of them will help you to develop the tools that are necessary to put your relationship with your ex in the past.  They will also help you to see patterns with regards to your choices when it comes to relationships and help you to develop tools and methods for find a healthier relationship in the future.  Additionally under these circumstances it is highly recommend that you avoid contact with your ex as much as you can.

In order to get over your ex, it may be wise to put away your photos and other items that remind you of your ex is something that is usually necessary.  If you remember the movie ‘Forgetting Sarah Marshall’, Jason Segel’s character Peter has all over his apartment photos and things that his ex-girlfriend (played by Kristen Bell) gave him.  It effectively makes it impossible for him to start moving forward with his life and it’s not until one of his friend’s forces him to erase the photos from his computer that Peter starts a baby step forward.  The reason those scenes resonated so much with audiences is because they are so true to real life.  In some cases putting away all the photos and gifts may not be enough and you may need to throw them away.  A good compromise solution is you can pack them in a box and give to a friend to hold onto for a while.

It’s highly probable that after the breakup the two of you may have several friends in common.  In order to get over your ex you need to tell them that you would prefer they not talk to you about your ex and you will need to refrain from asking them about your ex.  If either is not possible, until such time that you’re in a better place, it would probably be a good idea to limit your contact with the friends the two of you have in common.

Changing your routine and the places you frequent can be a very effective way in helping you to get over your ex.  If there is a gym you used to go to with your ex, or a restaurant, or some other special place it would be highly advisable to not go to them for the next several months if you can.  Otherwise, they will just remind you of your ex and you may run into them there.

Participating in a new activity can be a very effective way to relieve inner tension and move forward with your life.  It will help you redefine and re-establish who you are as a person and may even help you look at things from a different perspective.

In some cases, it may be necessary for you to move to a new city in order to get over your ex.  There are some relationships where the two of you as a couple and the city you live in has become so ingrained and intertwined on an emotional level that the only way to truly get over them is to move.  Talk to family and friends to see what they think before acting on this but if you’ve find that the amount of time it’s been taking you to get over your ex is continuing month after month this is something you may want to consider.

There are also many instances where you’re not truly able to get over your ex until you’ve moved on to someone new.  Sometimes that’s just how it is.  You need to fall in love again with someone else in order to forget them.  It doesn’t mean the new relationship will be long term (though it can be), but rather one that helps you to see yourself through someone else’s eyes as being someone attractive and worthy of being loved.  So be open to dating new people, but remember they will not be your ex, they’ll be different and that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

Seeking out professional counseling and the advice of family and friends can be very helpful in getting over an ex.  Each can help you to remember who you were prior to the relationship and re-establish your sense of self.

Taking a vacation can be a great idea for helping you to recover and get over your ex.  However, don’t make the mistake of picking somewhere the two of you went or always talked about going.  Otherwise all you’ll do is wander around wishing you were there with your ex.  It’s not likely you’ll be so lucky as to meet Mila Kunis like Jason Segel does in Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

Also, please keep in mind that just because your relationship with your ex didn’t work out doesn’t mean you’ll never find love.  Some relationships are simply meant to be ones we learn from and not ones that lead to a lengthy coupling.  Their failure doesn’t mean there is something inherently wrong with you.  It just means you weren’t the best match in the end or as sometimes happens, life got in the way.  Just try to look at what happened in your relationship with your ex as something you needed to learn in order to grow as a person.

Lastly, be kind and forgiving to yourself.  Getting over someone you loved is neither an easy process nor a quick one.  So try to do something to cheer yourself up or that will make you smile each day even if it’s only a little thing.  It’ll help to improve your mindset and put you in a better frame of mind for moving forward with your life and finding the person you’re meant to be with.

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