Advice Male Perspective

The Male Perspective: Are You Tempted To Cheat?

During a relationship each partner will typically find themselves attracted to other members of the opposite sex.  It is human nature to find you’re attracted to others.  The problem occurs when you act on that attraction and cheat on your partner.  When you do so, the damage to your relationship may be irreparable, so the following are some tips of what to do if you find you’re tempted to cheat on your partner.

Before acting on any of your impulses, you should first speak to your partner and be completely honest about how you’re feeling. This will surely be a very difficult and painful discussion but it will be much less difficult and painful than if you cheat on your partner and get caught. This is typically  the conversation that most people avoid but if they choose to have it, they just may save their relationships.

The next thing you need to think about is why you feel you’re so tempted to cheat on your partner.  Is there something you’re not getting from him and that’s why you’re looking to someone else?  Have you outgrown the relationship?  Are you no longer attracted to your partner?  Usually if you find yourself wanting to cheat on your partner it’s the root of a larger problem with the relationship and one you need to figure out before doing anything else.  Cheating on your partner will not fix the problem with your relationship, only answering what the problem is and why it exists will resolve things.

For some there is a unique question that needs to be asked:  Has your partner cheated on you or do you suspect he has?  If the answer to this question is yes the next question you have to answer is whether you want to end the relationship or not.  Cheating on your partner because he cheated on you (or may have done so) will not make things better.  You may get a momentary surge of feeling you’ve gotten even with him, but the underlying reasons for the infidelity will remain.  All you’ll be doing is hurting each other and continuing an unhealthy relationship.  So if you’re faced with this situation you should sit down with your partner, talk about what you’re feeling and consider ending the relationship before you hurt each other further.

There are also some people at certain stages of their lives who cannot handle being monogamous.  It may be that while the person you’re with is wonderful you’re not ready to be with just one person at this point of your life.  If so, the temptation to cheat on your partner may be symptomatic of that and you need to decide what it is you truly want.

Another issue you have to consider is the fact that if you do decide to cheat on your partner you could be exposing him to a sexually transmitted disease.  If you’re sexually intimate with your partner and you cheat on him he’s going to have no idea he needs to start wearing a condom.  If he starts noticing symptoms and goes to have medical tests done and finds out you’ve given him a STD, it will result in one of the ugliest ways possible for him to find out you cheated on him.  The relationship typically won’t survive both cheating and you giving him a STD.

Additionally, there is the very real possible that the person you’re looking to cheat on your partner with is someone who is just using you and is not who they genuinely seem.  This is a very common occurrence, but all too often people only realize what the other person is like after the cheating has already occurred.  Feelings of guilt, remorse, and overcompensating by being extra-nice to your partner may manifest.  Alternatively, you may find yourself lashing out in anger at your partner because you feel you were fooled by the person you cheated on him with.  This is why it’s usually better to either end the relationship or talk to your partner about how you’re feeling to try to save it rather than cheating on him.

Talking to friends and family about what you’re feeling can be a good idea if they’re discrete.  They may have some useful insight and advice about what you should do, but you need to pick someone you know who isn’t going to tell your partner until you have a chance to tell him.  You also may want to consider talking to a psychologist, counselor, or psychiatrist about what you’re feeling as they may be able to help you get to the root of why you’re feeling the way you are.

If your partner would be open to the idea, this may also be an indication that the two of you would benefit from relationship counseling, sex therapy, or other services available to help couples with this relationships.

Ultimately, what you really need to decide on is if you want to continue with your current relationship or end it.  It requires a lot of soul-searching, but ending a relationship is better than cheating on your partner as it shows that you do care about him, were loyal to him, and your chances of being friends afterwards will be greater.

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