Advice Male Perspective

The Male Perspective: Why So Many Break Ups Happen Around Valentine’s Day

There are certain times of the year where relationship break ups occur more than others.  One of the most prominent times of the year is Valentine’s Day.  It’s not something you would really expect to be the case, but for as long as Valentine’s Day has been around a large number of break ups occur around February 14th too.

One of the largest reasons is due to Valentine’s Day’s emphasis on romantic love which causes both partners to examine their relationship more closely than they otherwise do during other times of the year.  Valentine’s Day tends to put a spotlight on idealized versions of what a relationship could be that often doesn’t resemble the real world.  Thus, when either partner starts to believe that their relationship should be more like the idealized version that’s been depicted they realize that’s unlikely to ever be so they end the relationship and go off to search for a new one.  Unfortunately, when this occurs, the person who initiated the break up, when they get some distance and perspective, often realize that they regret ending the relationship and try to see if there is a possibility of rekindling the relationship.

Of course there is no denying that those who end many of the relationships around Valentine’s Day are men.  The cynical belief is that it’s because they didn’t want to spend money on their partner for Valentine’s Day, but usually it’s not actually a money issue, but rather an emotional one.  A great deal of the pressure for making Valentine’s Day special has traditionally been placed on men and that does continue largely to this day.  There are societal pressures on men to come up with the idea and make romantic plans for Valentine’s Day and a lot of the time what their partner does for them to show that they care is lacking.  Numerous men can point to Valentine’s Day where their partner wasn’t thankful or appreciative for what they did, and instead got a reaction where their partner didn’t feel what they had done was good enough, compared what they did unfavorably to others, or barely acknowledged it.  In recent decades there has even been a pressure to constantly outdo what they did for their partner’s on past Valentine’s Days.  All of this causes many men to critically look at what they are getting out of their relationships and many decide that they deserve better than this.

So one of the keys to avoiding a possible break up around Valentine’s Day is to not bring up what others are doing for their partners on Valentine’s Day or what your partner did for you during past Valentine’s Day.  This will tell your partner that whatever they do for Valentine’s Day this year will be judged on its own merits and help to relieve some of the pressure on your partner.

A second thing you can do is to remember that it is not about how much he financially spends on you for Valentine’s Day, but how much he shows he cares.  For many men Valentine’s Day is one of those days where they open up emotionally and tell their partner how much they care.  They also tend to try and come up with an activity or a gesture to show how they feel that in many cases may not involve spending large sums of money.  It is the showing of how much they care that is the real gift and if that isn’t acknowledged and appreciated your partner will know it and they will undoubtedly start reconsidering whether they still want to be with you.However, if you find that your partner has consistently failed to make an effort to show that they care on Valentine’s Day and has instead focused on simply buying you an expensive gift each year you may want to think about how he sees you and whether or not that’s what you want.

A third critical key is that you have to do something to show your partner that you care about them.  With the changing of traditional gender roles Valentine’s Day cannot continue with the traditional pressure all being placed on the male sex.  You have to demonstrate in a meaningful way on Valentine’s Day that you care about your partner too; and again it is not about how much money you spend, but the effort you make to show you care.

Now if both you and your partner don’t make any effort on Valentine’s Day to show that you care about each other it is highly recommended that you sit down and discuss your relationship to make sure everything is okay.  Valentine’s Day has become a day during which couple are supposed to show how much they love each other and if both of you fail to do so it does raise questions about the health of your relationship.  So in this case you should look at Valentine’s Day as a chance to work on your relationship and to try and renew it.

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