Advice Male Perspective

The Male Perspective: Breaking The News To Your Ex

Maintaining a friendship with your ex can be tricky at times, in part because despite time having passed since you were involved in a romantic relationship with them, those feelings can linger for a while afterwards.  However, nothing is more difficult than to tell your ex that you’re getting married or that you’re pregnant because of those past feelings he may still have for you.  So when doing so there are some things you have to keep in mind because of the sensitivity and the feelings involved.

One of the first things you have to look at prior to having a conversation with your ex is whether he’s moved on and is now involved romantically with someone else.  If his new romantic relationship has been going on for some time, your news will likely be met with a ‘congratulations’ and he will wish you all the best.  However, if his new romantic relationship is relatively new or he is single there is a very strong possibility that your news will hit him hard especially if you were engaged or married to him in the past.  In fact, your news may result in his asking questions about why the two of you didn’t work out, so be prepared with an answer prior to telling him if this is a possibility.  He could even tell you at that point he still has feelings for you if your news is that you’re getting married.  However, if your news is that you’re pregnant with your new love’s baby, your ex will refrain from expressing he still has feelings as he’ll know definitively it’s too late for the two of you to be together.

The second thing you have to consider is if your news is that you’re pregnant and what your condition is.  If your doctor has advised you to stay at home and avoid stress due to your delicate condition it may be best to consider finding a mutual friend to tell him the news.  Your first priority should be to the baby and anyone who is a reasonable person will understand that.

The third consideration you have to keep in mind is what your ex’s reaction may be.  It is very possible that under these circumstances he may break off contact with you as he realizes that seeing you will just remind him of what he’s lost.  This kind of reaction usually happens when he’s still single himself and has not moved on.  For him your impending marriage or pregnancy represents the death of any hope he might have harboured about the two of you getting back together.  This hope is something he may not have even realized he had until that moment that you tell him your news.  Yet it is something you should consider how you would handle prior to your conversation with him.

However, if despite the fact your ex is still single at the time you tell him this news and he does still want to maintain a friendship with you than you might want to consider helping him to find someone new.  For your ex it would probably be one of the best things you could do for him and if you’re able to look at such an endeavor objectively you are uniquely qualified to help him.  This is due to the fact that all you have to do is recall the aspects of yourself that he was attracted to and also some of the reasons that your relationship didn’t work out.  From there you can make a list of the qualities he would likely find attractive and whichever of your single friends matches those qualities most precisely you can set him up with.

By doing something like helping your ex to move on, it will help to ensure that he’ll remember the period when you told him your news as a happy one rather than one that made him lament the past.  It will also help to strengthen your friendship with him and more firmly put your romantic relationship in the past.  However, every situation is unique and your news may not be something he can handle.  Under those circumstances you just may have to accept that your friendship with him will end and he won’t want to have further contact with you.  Sometimes when moving onto a new phase in life some aspects of your past can’t be a part of them and that’s just something you have to accept.

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