Advice Male Perspective

The Male Perspective: How to Act Around an Ex Who Hurt You

Perhaps one of the most awkward things that you can experience is seeing or running into an ex-lover that really hurt you.  It can be a really difficult and stressful experience, especially if you still have feelings for them.  Many people when faced with this situation often are uncertain what the best way is to act, and feel afterwards that they didn’t handle things as well as they might have liked.  However, there are some tips for how to get through it and what the best way to act is.

One of the most important things you need to do is to keep calm and maintain your decorum.  Seeing an ex usually involves a very strong emotional reaction, but more than anything in a moment like this you want to ensure you maintain your dignity and self-respect.  So avoid any verbal confrontations, or outbursts, if you can, because that will usually only reflect badly on you.

Take several deep breathes, and if you do talk to your ex keep what you say very simple with as little information as possible.  Despite your previous close relationship your ex is not entitled to know what’s going on in your life now, nor should you provide them with that information.  After all being that your ex hurt you, it’s a pretty good indication that you can’t completely trust them.  So the less information you provide them the better.  Keep things short and sweet.

Under this sort of situation, it is preferably if when you run into them, you’re not alone.  If you’re out on a date with someone else, it is highly recommended that you inform them of the fact that your ex is present, and that you would like to go somewhere else.  Else, the presence of your ex will distract you from your date and ruin your chance of getting to know someone new and worthwhile.  If you’re out with a friend it is again highly recommended you tell them about what’s going on and ask to go elsewhere.  Despite what many might think there really is no benefit to prolonging this situation, and you should not see this as running away, but rather removing yourself from an undesirable situation.

Remember that there is nothing that requires you to talk to your ex or acknowledge them, so if you don’t want to you don’t have to.  If your ex approaches you, simply ask them to leave politely, but firmly, and if they continue to insist in speaking with you, simply leave.  That is the better way to proceed rather than exploding in anger, or cursing them out, as you will gain nothing by doing so.  Also, sitting there all night disparaging your ex to whomever you happen to come across is heavily discouraged because in the end it will only reflect badly on you.

However, there is nothing that says you have to forgive and forget about how your ex hurt you.  Quite the contrary; you shouldn’t forget what happened, but learn from it and go forward with your life.  It just means that your approach should be one where you comport yourself in the best manner possible with as much grace as you can muster.

In a lot of ways how you choose to handle this kind of situation demonstrates your level of maturity.  If you haven’t already, it’s probably a good idea in your mind to go through the various ways you might handle things if you ran into your ex, and try to think about what you might say ahead of time.  That way you’ll be caught less flatfooted and be better able to show your strength of character.

Lastly, in some cases when someone runs into their ex, especially if their ex is with a new partner, the person may try to do something to make them jealous.  Unfortunately, this never works out too well and often leads to embarrassment and ridicule.  There have even been countless movies on the subject and it usually leads to the character being humiliated. Whatever you do do not all of the sudden start making out with someone you’re out on a date with as they’ll likely clue in to what is happening and leave.  Nobody likes to feel they’re being used and under this sort of scenario all you’ll do is lose out on a new potential romantic partner.  So avoid this approach whenever possible as it never ends well and it’s not worth your dignity.

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