Advice Male Perspective

Knowing When It’s Time To Move On

For some there comes a point where they feel that they’ve outlived a job, a relationship or a place.  Yet, moving on can be extremely difficult as there is a lot of uncertainty with determining if it’s really the right time; doubt and fear creeps in and that can be truly paralyzing.  To dispel such feelings, and to confirm whether or not it is really the time to move on to whatever the future holds, there are a couple of key questions that can be asked which will help.

The first question is whether what you’re feeling is just being in a rut, or if it’s more a case of feeling that you’ve outgrown where you’re at in you in your life.  There is a distinction between the two and the best way to figure it out is to change your routine.  Stop going to the same places, doing the same things, and participating in the same activities.  Instead for the next couple of weeks, vary your routine as much as possible.  If after those couple of weeks you still feel like you’ve outgrown where you’re at, it might be actually the case; so you should explore what it is exactly you want to try next.

The next question is to ask yourself what is your financial situation.  If you’ve been struggling to pay your bills, been without work for some time, and you’re unable to improve your financial situation, it’s a very clear sign that it’s time to move on to something new.  Nowadays, it is not uncommon for the economy in a particular city to take a negative downturn, and the only choice is to move somewhere else where the prospects are better.  Moving to another city, or part of the country, can be an extremely scary proposition, but if you feel that your financial situation has been getting progressively worse, the time to make a change may be now.  Selling off your furniture, and other large and heavy items, will make it easier to move and keep your costs down.  You may even want to consider placing your things into storage until you’ve had a chance to get established in the new city and move them later on.  Check the Better Business Bureau for reputable movers to ensure your things are not stolen or broken during the move.  The sooner you make the move the better it’ll be for your future.

The next question is whether or not your relationship has stagnated.  If you expected that your relationship was going to move forward into marriage and having a family, and that didn’t happen, you need to decide if you’re willing to accept that.  Relationships need to always have a sense that the two of you are growing not only as individuals, but as a couple, and for many people this can only happen if the next step is taken of becoming husband and wife, and eventually parenthood.  Still, all too often a couple doesn’t discuss with each expect from the relationship and so they continue to subsist in a situation where they’re looking for something more.  So the first thing that needs to be done is a frank and open discussion between you and your partner about what you want out of your relationship.  If after such a discussion nothing changes you’ll need to decide whether to continue with the relationship or not.  Yet, always remember that a stagnant relationship will likely always leave you feeling unfulfilled and unhappy.

Lastly, if fear of the unknown is what’s been holding you back from moving on, one thing that may help is doing some research.  There are plenty of self-help books with plenty of guidance, advice and ideas of things you can try and surveys you can use to assess your situation.  Talking to a counsellor, psychologist, or psychiatrist can help you objectively assess what it is you’re feeling and what you want.  Often it takes an outside observer to figure out what you should do because you as the affected person are too close to the situation to be properly objective.  Also, going off on a vacation on your own can help you gain perspective on your life so that you can clarify whether or not what you’re looking for is a fundamental change in your life or just a tweaking.

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