Advice

Escaping The “Friend Zone”

We all have that one friend in our life who we wish was something more. Maybe you befriended him because you once had a crush on him and still can’t let go of the feelings. Maybe you guys knew each other from way back before you noticed how attractive he was under the sun. Maybe you guys bumped into each other in music class and learned that you have a lot in common. Whatever the case, you are now falling heads over heels for him while to him, you are just a pal. Instead of pulling you close to his chest to smell your hair, he hugs you with one arm hanging loosely on your shoulder. Instead of trying to show off his manliness in front of you, he talks about the cute girls that he met last week and how one of them has the face of a movie star. It’s nice to be his best buddy, but it’s not enough. You need to get out of the friend zone.

Treat the effects, not the symptoms

Many times in life, we are treating the symptoms rather than the effects. This is not good in many situations. You need to stop telling yourself that being his friend is better than nothing. Instead, you need to dig deeper into your relationship and find out WHY he has friend zoned you. Do you put his needs before yours? Do you listen to his relationship problems? Do you do all the favors he asks you? Note the differences between you and his dream girl. Start fixing things up from there.

Stuck in the safety zone

You value your friendship too much to play risky. You’re careful with your words. You don’t want to offend. While this is good in maintaining a friendship, it leads nowhere to a relationship. Be yourself. Flirt! Drop hints about your intentions. Let him know you are interested. Ask him if you look strapping in that sexy red dress. Remind him that it would be nice to hear your laugh. Remind him that you’re a girl – a suitable mate. Break the touch barrier. It’s okay to hold his hand or lean onto his shoulder. He’s a guy. He shouldn’t mind these things!

Don’t overdo it

Don’t be whiny, clingy, aggressive or desperate. It does no good to follow him everywhere. It does even worse to be in his face demanding why he isn’t kissing you yet. And texting him every two seconds about what he is doing can also be quite repulsive. So don’t complain about why he is talking to other girls more than he is to you. Guys don’t like it when they are being told what to do. They will come around to it naturally if that is what they desire. Don’t follow him everywhere. He’ll either start taking you for granted as the friend he can always turn around to see or, even worse, as the creeper who stalks his shadow. Give him some space. Let him choose who he want to date. You can try to influence his decision (by, flirting for example), but the ultimate choice is up to him to make. Remember, you want to be his girlfriend, not his little sister or the friend he put a restraining order on.

Do something different

Whether it’s doing something new to your hair, or introducing a piece of clothing to your wardrobe, it’s always nice to do something different. He might just see you walk around with the new highlights or red scarf and consider for the first time in his life that you’re not the same girl he friend zoned months/years before. A change in your style can signify a change in your life. If it all works well, he’ll start seeing you as a whole new person and you will have one more shot to make him yours.

Accept the reality

So you’ve emptied all the tricks in the bag and he’s still not that into you. Maybe he just doesn’t see you in that way. It doesn’t mean that there will be no sparks to come, but it just means that, for the time being, you should give it a rest. Start paying attention to other guys. You might just meet someone interesting. And who knows, maybe in a few months or years to come, he might just come around to liking you.

It’s nice to date your best friend. Relationships which starts out as friendship are usually more meaningful and last longer since you understand each other much better. But even if it doesn’t work out, don’t be down.  There are millions of fish in the sea. Who knows who you will meet next? The world is full of possibilities.

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