Advice

Dating a new guy? How fast should things move?

Dating can be just as troubling as finding a new job. Is he really the ‘right’ match? How fast should things move, and what should he expect from me?  OR even better, what should I expect from him?

Don’t trouble yourself with the first question. It can get quite confusing, especially if you’re not entirely sure of what you want in a man. If, however, you want to successfully move past the first few months of dating, it is wise to consider the second and third questions.

Here are 5 rules to think about when starting a new relationship:

Rule 1: Befriend your boyfriend.

The value of friendship is  often underestimated. Building a friendship takes a long time, and  building a friendship in an intimate realtionship can take an even longer time. Why? It’s a different type of love that is nurtured through deeper knowledge of eachother’s personalities, and this includes knowing what the other person  likes and what they dislike. How they react to one thing as compared to another. What their personal philosophies are. What their values are. It involves knowing how to care for another person and being caring at all times, and allowing for that care to be expressed in all of your actions, whatever they may be. It involves building trust and maintaining it; it involves being able to openly discuss anything without fear. All of these take time.

It takes time  to understand another person’s personality,  to know how to care for them, to  build trust and maintain it, and to be able to openly discuss anything.And none of these actually come naturally; to build this intimate friendship, you must be strong-willed, and you must desire to strengthen it. If it is not strengthened over time, it can become weak and dissolve. It is as a popular saying states, ” Realtionships are like a shark, they must always move forward.” Being strong-willed and gaining control over your emotions and motives is something that only you can do.

Imagine what you want and pursue it. Regardless of what you decide to pursue, remember to move at a slow pace. It’s better to be too slow, then to be to quick. “Whatever comes easily, usually leaves easily.”

Rule 2: He must respect you at all times.

If on the first few dates you realize that he isn’t really respecting you, you and your relationship are already headed for trouble. Respect is not only crucial to a healthy relationship; it is a ‘sensitive’ matter that needs to be handled with care and assertiveness.

If your boyfriend frequently arranges to meet you and cancels every time, he isn’t respecting you.

If your boyfriend listens to half of what say and shows no interest in the other half, he isn’t respecting you.

If your boyfriend is doing things that you have no knowledge of, he isn’t respecting you.

If your boyfriend forces you to act against your will, he definitely isn’t respecting you, and it’s probably about time to rethink your decision to be with him.

If, however,  he listens to you speak, whether it be over the phone or in person, he is respecting you. In listening, he is not only expressing an interest, he is ‘ valuing you.’ But, don’t be too pleased with this behaviour. Make sure it is always respectful, then be pleased!

Rule 3: Share in each other’s interests.

Yes, you may have only been on a few dates, and you may not know all of your boyfriend’s interests. It doesn’t matter at this point, you don’t need to. Find out what a ‘few’ of his interests are and surprise him.

If he’s really into basketball, surprise him with tickets to a  basketball game. Don’t forget to think of some other ways to excite him while you two are cheering for his favorite team. Spending quality time together is a remarkable way to to become closer.

If he’s active and  spending a lot of time at the gym, go to the gym with him. Have your own gym session. Surprise him by paying for a training session. But don’t stop there. Join him and watch him stretch and sweat.

If he has not yet asked you to join him in his favorite activities, your efforts to make him happy by surprising him might motive him to take ‘action’ next time. Then you can sit back and think about how thoughtful you’ve been, and how hot he looks. There’s nothing more entertaining than being entertained by your man! As time ensues, you will know all of his interests. Whatever they may be, or however many they may be, be sure to let them unravel naturally.

Rule 4: Have your own group of friends.

Friends are always great to have. Even if you and your boyfriend have become best friends, having your own group of friends is always wise. Whenever certain areas of your life get gloomy and you don’t want this gloominess to affect your relationship, a friend’s help can go a long way; their help can come in many forms, but most of the time, one of the best forms is their willingness to simply listen to you. It can help you free yourself from those unnerving emotions, which can cause a bit of disturbance in your relationship.

Friends are always great people to spend quality time with when you and your boyfriend are away from each other. They can introduce new subjects, and new information to you, which you can then share with your boyfriend. There’s nothing wrong with adding a little sweetness to your relationship, and sometimes, it just takes introducing something new to sweeten things.

 Rule 5: Be independent. Show him what is unique to you, and what you value most.

That’s right, be independent. Independence is more  than just about being responsible, having your own job or your own hobbies. It’s about giving an activity a value in your life. If, for instance, you jog every day, and your boyfriend is attracted to this, jog.

Show him that you value an activity, and that you will continue to value it.

This tells him more about who you are, and sometimes, it’s those special details that set you apart from others. They can be the very details that entice him. Let him discover these on his own, this will also take time.  After all, people don’t make brilliant discoveries overnight.

Each of these rules, if practiced effectively, will affect the pace at which your relationship develops:  the slower the pace, the better.

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